What Is In My Head

Have you ever just been so overwhelmed with life that you just want to quit for a while? Or you are so stressed out that you just don't want to think anymore. I feel like life was so much easier when you could take a time out, sit in a corner, and when the 15 minutes of punishment was over, you forgot all about it. I want to take a time out right now. I want to shut my brain off and not think about anything. Why can't I do that?

Sometimes, life just isn't fun. There is so much that goes on on a daily basis that I feel like I can't keep up with all the stuff in my brain. I want to just compartmentalize everything and only think about what I want to think about at that moment. Like, open up a file drawer and read it, then put it back and not worry about it.

Worry. That is something different all together. I want to not worry. I am such a worrier though. I worry about everything. Everything.

1. I worry about my clothes piling up in my room that I need to put in the closet, about the shoes in the floor that I just keep stepping over.

2. I worry about the dishes that need to be put away ( okay, not so often, but every now and then), about the textbooks cluttering up the coffee table in the living room.

3. I worry about my homework, about waking up early, about going to bed early enough so I don't feel horrible in the morning.

4. I worry about what I eat, and when I eat crap, I worry about my weight.

5. I worry about how my hair turns dirty blonde in the winter because of the lack of sunlight, and because of my lack of motivation to dry it every day so I just throw it up in a bun.

6. I worry about paying for gas, getting a job, paying the bills, and paying the rent.

7. I worry about my friends, how they are doing in school, and if they are happy.

8. I worry about my family, since I live so far from them and don't get to speak to or see them as often as I would like.

9. I worry about boys, about finding the right one that isn't going to break my heart, about how I probably have ruined every good relationship I've ever had and I don't even know why, about how I miss the boys I have loved, about how I think I am probably going to end up being an old bitty with seventeen cats.

10. I worry about how I like to take naps, a lot, and I wonder if that is normal.

11. I worry about how I can be really lazy sometimes, and I wonder if there is something wrong with me, like a lack of life motivation.

12. I worry about being the absolute best person I can be, to everyone I meet; I hate it when people don't like me, even though I know I'm not going to be able to please everyone and get everyone to like me.

13. I worry about how freakin' much I worry. This definitely can't be normal.

And this is totally not even all. There is so much more, I just can't even write it all up. Because I know it would take the rest of my life to write about everything that worries me.

I think I need a way to de-stress, a way to be able to get away from everything in my head for just a little while. Right now, my method of coping is sleeping; when I'm asleep, I don't have to think about anything. Dreams are my heart's fantasies and I would rather spend more time in dreamland than in real life.

That is scary. I don't think I have ever actually admitted that I would rather sleep my life away than live it.

So, what do I do now? Meditation? Prayer? Sitting in silence and just letting my thought take over for a while and try to figure everything out? I have no clue anymore.

However, I have figured out one thing. Having nothing to do, like on this little winter break of mine, is so obviously not good for me. I need to be busy to keep my mind off the things that really bother me.

Geeze. That's the sum of all this.

This Post Really Sucks

I really want to go back to school.

I want to be in my apartment, with my stuff.

I miss my bed.

I miss my couches.

I want to be able to put my clothes and shoes in my closet.

I never knew that being "home" was going to be so stressful.

Gahhhh...

Short and Sweet

FUDGE!!! Fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge!

Me and my mom are making FUDGE!

And later, my sister and her boyfriend and I are making Christmas cookies!

EEEEE!!!!

Sugar high for the next three days here I come!

Can you tell I'm a tad excited?! :)

Beer and Cake!

For Christmas, my mother bought my sister's boyfriend nice beer mugs and a really expensive 6-pack of Stella Artois. I mean, $10 for a 6-pack expensive. Something was bound to go wrong when a woman who NEVER buys beer buys really pricy beer.

The 6-pack fell out of the truck and broke. Of course.

She managed to save three of the six bottles and now, guess who is enjoying one?

That's right. I am drinking a bottle of beer that costs almost $2. And it isn't even really that great. I mean, I can't tell the difference between this and Bud Light.

I must not have expensive taste.

On anther note, I made a great cake tonight. Butter pecan. I will post a picture and the recipe.

Of course, I used a nice Christmas-y bundt pan, but any pan would work.

Butter Pecan Cake:
1 box butter pecan cake mix
4 eggs
1 cup water
1/2 cup oil (or substitute the same amount of applesauce!)
1 can pecan/coconut frosting

Mix all ingredients together (yes, even the frosting goes into the batter). Pour into a greased pan (make sure to flour the pan as well if you are using a specialty pan like I did. And a neat little trick: use the dry cake mix instead of flour. No white stuff left over after baking!) Bake the cake for about 50 minutes on 350º.

Here is what it looks like after....

Delicioso! (Said with a sexy Spanish accent of course.)

Snow? No Thanks.

I came home today. Home, as in where I grew up. Even though I now consider my apartment at school to be home, I suppose this is "real" home. But anyway, more on that later.

This is my point:

It is snowing here and is not going to stop for 2 days.

I am not happy about this. I come home, just to get snowed in and not be able to see any of my long lost high school friends? Not cool weather, not cool at all.

But actually is it cool. Like, 19º cool. So, touché weather, touché.

Deep Breath

The semester is over. Can you believe it? My first semester of pharmacy graduate school is over.

OhEmGee. 

I just talked to my mother on the phone. She asked me if I was partying it up tonight. Am I? Nope.

I probably should be partying. I'm sure there are lots that I could go to. But to be perfectly honest, I like just being able to sit on the couch and watch TV and not worry about a thing. Well, except for my grades to be posted, but that is another story entirely.

So here I am. One semester of eight down. That's 12.5%. It makes me happy. But I also feel a little weird. I could try to explain it, but I just tried to type it out about five times and just deleted it the same number of times. So I'm not going to worry about trying to explain it. Just trust me. It's kind of like breaking up with a boyfriend because you didn't really like him, but feeling sad about it because you don't have a nice boy to text anymore. But still a little indescribable.

I really don't know what to do with myself right now. But, I kind of like it that way. :)

Confession Time

I have a secret. And I am going to let the world know about it.

I LOVE BRUSSEL SPROUTS!

This is what I'm talking about. So completely heavenly. They taste buttery and sweet and slightly crunchy and absolutely delicious.

I love these. They make me feel all good and warm inside. I anticipate them and my mouth starts to water when I know I'm about to eat them. I get so excited. It's almost ridiculous how much I like these. I don't want to share them with anyone and I savor each and every bite.

I think I could marry these brussel sprouts. Now, if only they could cuddle and take out the trash.

UPDATE (12/06/10 @8:00PM): By popular request, here is the recipe I was introduced to that has fueled my love of brussel sprouts.

Roasted Brussel Sprouts:
- Fresh brussel sprouts (not the frozen kind)
- Olive oil
- Salt

Preheat the oven to 350º. Take the top layer off the brussel sprouts and cut them in half. Place in a baking dish with enough olive oil to coat the brussel sprouts. Add salt (preferably sea salt). Bake for 30 minutes.

Then enjoy the best brussel sprouts you will ever, EVER, have. Seriously.